i just wanted you to love me

loving is something that is something that is redefined, reanimated and broken regularly. 

i walked through the food court today and lunch. there is something vulnerable and endearing about people eating lunch alone. watching the world. enjoying a moment to themselves. i wonder what they’re feeling. 

that man over there is  thinking of the budget due at the 2:30 meeting. she’s dreaming of Phi Phi island. the lady in the blue shirt worries that her daughter will be ok at her first all day day-care. the guy by the ATM is dreading another night at home on the couch watching Master Chef. oops, he’s just spilt the soy sauce on his tie. 

i wish i could bottle up their emotions and make them better. make them all happy. maybe this is the love of the Father. maybe this is a little, tiny spec of how He feels. 

ffffound

 

and then the feeling is gone, and i’m trying to decide if i want chicken and vegetable soup or the tomato and basil. and my phone beeps and i laugh at the personal joke she’s sent me. 

ffffound

 

i wish broken-heartedness wasn’t so debilitating and so dismissive. 

i’m learning to live with a broken-hearted joy. the never-ceasing battle of grace in a graceless world. 

ffffound

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Chained By Social Justice

The buzz word of Christian Gen Y today is Social Justice. It is every where. And thank God. We all need more.

But, we have to be careful of how we use social justice. Because it can entrap us by it’s law.

If I am focused solely upon equality and rectifying issues, situations and problems to be ‘right’ by our standards and the standard of the law, I am bound.

When a friend wrongs me, or my little brother steals money from me, if I am driven by a justice spirit I will not rest until that person has received their just-deserts. I will give them the silent treatment for a few hours or perhaps a day or two. I will find a way of letting them know they have wronged me and need to ‘fix their problem’. And when they do, I will forgive them, but simply out of obligation, because really, they don’t actually deserve forgiveness. I made them resolve their wrong.

Justice says, you bombed us so we’ll bomb you. You killed my son now I’ll kill your mother. Your company is responsible for me losing everything I have, so I’ll get vengeance.

Read the paper, watch the news, talk to your coworker. Justice is every where. It festers in peoples minds. It binds them with bitterness which will eventually manifest in rage and sickness.

One of the older ladies at work walked past my desk today. She commented that a certain colleague hadn’t shown up, and no one had received word from her. My face clouded over with concern. I know this lady is annoying, and she certainly rubbed me up the wrong way yesterday, but what if something had happened? I know a little of what’s going on for her at the moment, and it’s not the happiest of days. This lady leaning over my desk, wrinkled up her nose at me and scoffed, “What, are you frrrriends with her?” The distain and revulsion in her voice upset me. This women hated her so much that it so misaligned her moral compass to recognize that this lady is falling apart at the seams and slowly killing her body.  The desire for justice and to make ‘things right’ was causing absolute hatred between two women who work side by side 5 days a week. It broke my heart.

We will never have full justice as Jesus intended unless we let go of our expectations and pride.

It hurts, to forgive someone. Or to love someone who has betrayed you. When humility meets grace in action, Justice and Jesus unite.

Jesus never punished those who had done wrong. The tax collectors knew how to seek forgiveness or pay penance for what they had done wrong. The woman at the well was freed from past stigma through one conversation that simply offered life and freedom, no condemnation attached.

We sign our grace with a footnote of reason and conditions. We give away our love for recognition in return. Fallen by nature we cling onto the fear we will give away too much and the lesson will not be learnt. We feel the need to correct another’s failings because it reassures our insecurity.

I often pray a silly prayer, for Him to break my heart, so I see, feel, hear and touch what breaks His. It is debilitating and it wrecks me, but only momentarily. Because when I see the poor and His eyes in their blindness, I can’t help but respond.

Less of me and more of Him. Abandoned to my earthly desires and consumed by His heart and His eyes.

Matt 25:40 “I tell you the truth, just as you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did it for me”.

Mother Teresa said

‘If you are kind, people will accuse you of selfish motives; be kind anyway. The good you do today, most people will forget; do good anyway. Give the world the best you’ve got and it may never be enough; give your best anyway. In the final analysis it’s between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.’

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Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.

Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own.

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.

I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.

Jesus said love one another. He didn’t say love the whole world.

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.

Wise words from Mother Teresa

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It’s You.

It’s just air. That is all. And I’m grabbing for it.

Sometimes I wind up winded on the ground. Like Alice. In a hole. And I walk through a foggy stuppor and try to find my way out.

It’s You.

Because even when I’m in the dark. Even when I am embarking into the scary unknown places further than my mind can fathom, it’s You.

Because You took it. For me.

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Dulling down to the sound of a seamless string of traffic.

I can feel the wind whip past my face as a late night bus speeds by. The women’s face is gazing at her reflection. She looks empty.

The stars aren’t out tonight. I pull the rug up closer and pray to the god of rain, for no tonight.

Just an ordinary sleepless night.

photo

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Amazing Grace

Grace is good. I love it when it finds you, and wraps you up. I love the way it protects and comforts and loves unconditionally.

No one deserves it.

But what about the worst of the worst?

My humanity would love nothing more than to hurt those men and women who are traffick innocent lives. The men who form pedophelia rings and pervert the inncence of young children.

My humanity says that is justice. To put these people in their place. To inform someone when they have hurt me. 

Demand an appology.

See them weep.

But Amazing Grace, it does the opposite.

Written by John Newtonw in 1779 by a man responsible for the death and slavery of 1000’s of African’s.

If I met this man. I would have wanted him dead. Entire families and villages in Africa would have cursed his exsistance.

Yet he received grace, and that grace transformed his life.

Because Grace goes beyond Justice. It speaks a language foreign to sin. It reignites purpose.

Amazing grace led to John Newton’s salvation. It bought him to a place where through teaching and relationship he imparted a burden to see the sin of slavery rectified and abolished. It made a way for William Wilberforce.

True justice lets go and lets God. True justice says “God, you handle this situation”.

It is forgiveness before their repentance.

True justice is Grace through Love.

That is Amazing Grace.               

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More Info?

Below is a list of links and causes that you can visit.

The best thing you can do to help eradicate poverty and injustice is to become aware. The more aware you are, the more you can talk about it, and make others aware too.

http://www.callandresponse.com.au/home.html 
A rockumantary about Human Trafficking in your own backyard.

http://www.thea21campaign.org/index.php/en/home/home-page
99% of trafficked victims are not rescued. Find out the 21 ways you can help stop trafficking!

www.worldvision.com.au

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